From rest to 289km/h: German road trip in a 2023 BMW X3 M Competition

Germany is a peculiar place. Full of rule-followers, sticklers, and deeply-ingrained – borderline superstitious – habits. The sort of country where speeding comes with stiff consequences.

Yet it also houses the largest network of roads with no speed limits on Earth, the longest permanent racetrack, and builds some of the fastest vehicles in the world. The people are also much friendlier than the stereotypes would have you believe, too.

The perfect place for petrolheads to let off some steam, then, and that’s exactly what we’re here for. We’ve sketched in a plan that includes the 24 hours of Nurburgring (think German Bathurst 1000), hitting V-Max on the Autobahn and lapping up some automotive history.

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The X3 M feels massive in a European context

The S58 demolishes the dense evening air, combining it with 100 Octane at an alarming rate as it rushes towards V-Max

To get the trip started, we needed some wheels, which involved catching Munich’s efficient public transport from the quaint CBD to Garching. What we failed to realise was that this particular Monday was Ascension Day – a public holiday – and if there’s one thing Germans and Aussies have in common, it’s that we take public holidays seriously.

We were promised that a security guard would be there on arrival to let us into BMW's compound, but she’d stepped outside for a smoke, and in the meantime, a gust of wind had blown the door shut… with the keys inside. Not the ideal start to a packed schedule.

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In an hour or so, the palaver was sorted; Addi and I were invited inside BMW’s softly-lit press garages.

There were lots of things to look at, a host of new M3 Tourings in various lurid hues did their best to distract us but there wasn’t much outshining ‘MFH1299’ – our Java green X3 M Competition.

It’s time to start making up time – something the 3.0-litre twin-turbocharged ‘S58’ straight-six producing 385kW (at 6250rpm) and 650Nm (2750-5500rpm) was only happy to oblige. I’ll admit to being sceptical about the whole idea of an X3 M. At 2085kg, it’s 95kg heavier than an M3 Touring, so surely its responses and specialness are blunted?

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Having not driven one yet, I’d also heard rumours about uncompromising ride quality.

And the rumours aren’t wrong; even on Germany’s billiard-table smooth asphalt ‘Comfort’ (a misnomer) is the only usable mode for the three-stage adaptive dampers as the steel springs and 21-inch ‘892M’ alloy wheels transmit every micro-crack and fissure into the cabin.

The X3 M Competition is also massive in a Euro context. At 4716mm long and 1897mm wide it’s firmly mid-size back home but ‘The Green Machine’ dwarves the Bavarian capital’s 12th Century streets.

All is good when leaving the city, though. We stick to the rather fiercely enforced speed limits (there are lots of sneaky speed cameras around) and the broad X3 feels more comfortable on speed-restricted three-lane Autobahn.

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BMW's live traffic navigation and speed limit recognition work incredibly well in Germany... less so Australia

Unceremoniously, the X3 M Competition’s speed sign recognition changes from displaying ‘120’ in the 12.3-inch digital instruments to the tell-tale derestricted sign.

Without seeing the sign myself, I decided to hold steady… until I spot an Audi RSQ8 bearing down on us. It’s time to go.

Locking in my customised ‘M1’ mode using the big red paddles on the wheel (engine, eight-speed auto and exhaust sound in maximum attack with dampers relaxed back to Comfort), nailing the throttle kicks the eight-speed auto back down to third, and as the turbo spools the X3 M squats on its 265/40R21 Michelin Pilot Sport 4S rubber as it sends the speedo effortlessly to 220km/h.

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That’s a blast. But it’s barely a teaser of what’s to come over the day’s 600km.

BMW’s live-traffic navigation system initially says it’ll take us about seven hours on our less-than-direct route via Stuttgart, Karlsruhe, the Hockenheimring, and ‘Autobahn 1’ on the edge of France and Luxembourg. Total moving time ended up being about five hours.

Autobahn 1 provided the X3 M with a chance to stretch its legs for the first time and revealed what exactly the Sport damper setting is for.

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Above 240km/h – not a typical testing speed, I know – Comfort’s relaxed rebound control means the X3 M’s body goes light and wanders.

Sport mode ties it down immediately and, at this speed, low-frequency bumps aren’t a thing, the layer of palm sweat (and the X3 M’s thick wheel rim) helps cushion them.

It also reveals why the X3 M’s brakes felt warped around town – as a base model French-registered Citroen C3 pulls out when we’re travelling at over 220km/h, those four-piston front calipers clamp down on the steel ventilated and cross-drilled rotors with real conviction.

Arriving at the Nordschleife brings its own set of challenges; firstly finding a spot to park the X3 M to watch Friday’s qualifying. The traffic jams are epic, with stripped-out and caged BMW E36 3 Series and Porsche 911 GT3s making up most of the cars around us.

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We made it!

Get on the gas and the xDrive system happily sends power rearwards to help with a little over-rotation on exit

If, in the motorsports world, Formula 1 is equivalent to the FIFA World Cup then the Nurburgring 24 Hours is like the Ashes.

Endurance racers like Kevin Estre and Adam Christodoulou are top-flight athletes, make no mistake, but they’re humble and approachable with no Hamilton-esque entourages separating fans from the cars and drivers in the pitlane.

It’s at this point I check my emails to confirm that I’ve booked accommodation on the right dates… I haven’t. Bugger. It’s not a cheap place to stay on race weekend, and there are no rooms available anywhere. Double bugger. What are we going to do?

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All the motorsport spectating essentials

Standing 188cm tall, sleeping in less-than-ideal locations is something I try and avoid, but an exploratory fold of the X3’s rear bench increases boot space from 550L to 1600L, which is just about enough space to snooze.

An hour roundtrip to the local Decathlon later, we have €10 foam ‘mattresses’ and €20 sleeping bags for the back of our $178,000 track-focused SUV.

We head down to Breidschied to enjoy the evening qualifying (and some Bitburger stubbies). The spectacle of the GT3 and GT4 cars streaking down the hill to overtake a race-prepped Dacia Logan and Opel Manta is one you don’t get anywhere else.

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Nor is the excitement when the cars finish up for the night and the fans descend on the ’Ring, dancing to hardstyle and rapping German hip hop lyrics (not as export-friendly as German sausages, beer, or cars) as they leave their marks with spray paint.

The atmosphere is hectic and charged as Sunday's race start approaches, with the first showing of Ferrari’s 296 GTB race car, and fairly fresh rivals such as Porsche’s mid-ship 992 and BMW’s brawny M4 GT3 disappearing off the GP track for the warm-up lap.

Watching the competitors barrel into the first hairpin corner, you wouldn’t guess it’s a 24-hour race, the fan favourite 911 GT3 ‘Grello’ with Estre at the wheel dive-bombs and shoves rivals out of the way as he desperately scrambles through the pack to contest the lead.

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Not pictured: The glut of Porsche 911s

As the drivers settle into a rhythm the atmosphere relaxes, a good thing as we attempt to find parking spots around the circuit big enough for the X3 M.

Stopping at Quiddelbach and Döttinger Hohe along the way, we hear rumours and then see a replay proving Kevin’s Grello met its maker during an optimistic backmarker overtake – the ’Ring takes no prisoners.

As we and the X3 M make our way back to Breidscheid, the middle section of the race moves in and darkness falls over the track. Watching LED beams scythe through the night-covered Eiffel Mountains is mesmerisingly beautiful, a borderline ceremonial spectacle.

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As the next day rolls in, it’s time to leave the Nurburgring. After two remarkably comfortable nights in its boot, the X3 M is starting to really endear itself to us.

The S58’s feline growl sends buzzes and vibrations into the cabin at low speeds in a way only a motorsport-derived engine can. In fact, this block forms the basis of the ‘P58’ straight-six installed in the ROWE racing M4 that was piloted to second place by Dries Vanthoor, just behind the Frikadeli racing 296 GT3.

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Invading your Windows 95 wallpaper since 2023

As we leave, nearly every Nurburgring spectator’s tired eyes are tracking the X3 M. Seriously, even with more 911 GT3s and Ferraris than you’ve ever seen in one spot, the Java Green Bimmer stands its ground. The gawking continues on the cruise toward Stuttgart.

Seat heating on its most gentle setting soothing our sore backs (from sleeping in the boot), the X3’s pews provide immense comfort – supportive for both lateral loads and the lower back, these chairs make the busy ride almost bearable.

When you don’t feel like listening to the engine, choose whatever Australian artist you want to listen to via wireless Apple CarPlay (or Android Auto) to keep the homesickness at bay, and sit back as the 16-speaker Harman Kardon surround-sound audio wraps the cabin.

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Our only complaint is that the head-up display becomes all but invisible from behind Aussie-spec polarised sunnies but otherwise, the X3 M was a surprise treat on the 'Bahn blast back to the home of Mercedes-Benz and Porsche.

Two days in Stuttgart and you notice that the prevalence of Mercedes and Porsche has something to do with the dull colour choices. The Java Green Beast again stood right out within the German rainbow.

Leaving town on the way to Munich after a marathon day of car museums, the European summer left us plenty of sunlight for exploration. We headed roughly toward the Austrian border, detouring around the inland seas and foothills of southern Germany to find some roads that weren’t Autobahn.

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One must take it easy coming into towns in the X3 M

As fun as travelling at high speed in a straight line is, corners are better.

Back into M1 mode, the sheer agility of the X3 M Competition is astounding. It wrenches those 255mm-wide front Michelins into bends, you can almost feel the tarmac buckling under the strain as its rear axle follows faithfully around.

Get on the gas and the xDrive system happily sends power rearwards to help with a little over-rotation on exit. Keep feeding in right pedal and, with the gearbox amped to its fastest of three settings, each of the eight ratios hits home with a theatrical thump. And it never refuses downshifts under braking.

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We're not sure if the lord approves of Java Green paint

Problem is, you feel like a bit of a dick. The X3 M takes up a lot of road, it’s loud, and in any colour, people are going to notice you.

The accurate steering, too, is devoid of feel. That thick rim robs any feedback that might’ve made it through from the tyres. M has made an immensely capable SUV with the X3 M, but not a rewarding one on a twisting country road.

Luckily, we’re not really here for technical bends, and it’s back to the freeway. Except now it’s half-past nine on a Wednesday evening and the roads are completely empty.

We stop to fill the car up about 15km from our room for the night. Another 65 litres on our way to a 13.2L/100km average consumption figure – painful when a litre of 100 Octane costs $3.50.

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On exit, it’d be rude not to experience the 3.8 seconds 0-100km/h sprint one more time.

Except that, because the four lanes are completely empty, this quickly turns into a 0-200km/h run, another sense check is passed and the boot is kept in.

The S58 demolishes the dense evening air, combining it with 100 Octane at an alarming rate as it rushes towards V-Max. Shifting into seventh gear at about 250km/h, there’s a slight pause as the 0.38Cd figure becomes a little much for the engine to overcome, but then the X3 M continues its march – it’s definitely fitted with the optional Driver’s Pack – to the limited top speed of 289km/h (on the speedo, or 285km/h actual).

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There's the proof – don't try this on the Hume, kids

A fitting final send-off, and one that I won’t forget in a hurry. Around 1500km, 200L of Germany’s finest unleaded, and a week in its home country was enough to fall in love with ‘MFH1299’… this tends to happen on short European flings.

Would an M5 CS or M3 Touring have done the job better? Perhaps. But like any car that treats you to an experience like that – from Veyron to ‘Vauxhall Corsa or similar’ – a part of that X3 M will live with me for life.

And I’m glad, because this kind of vehicle, with its tingling and buzzing combustion engine, won’t be around forever.

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