Why choosing the right name for a car is important

Car names matter. We probably shouldn’t place too much importance on them, as often they’re just a meaningless jumble of random letters, made-up marketing monikers that would have any self-respecting Scrabble player red-faced in protest: Huayra, Qashqai, Veloster, Bentayga, Touraeg.

But names do matter. It’s why Reginald Dwight became Elton John, Maurice Micklewhite became Michael Caine and Lizzie Grant became Lana Del Rey. As our main source of identification they set expectations, expectations that must be fulfilled in order to avoid disappointment. Frank Zappa and Buzz Aldrin were never going to become accountants, were they?

Given their importance, it’s amazing how often names are taken for granted or used in a slapdash manner. The Toyota iQ was quite a clever, quirky little city car, but it was always going to take more than a blingy grille and an interior full of leather to justify an Aston Martin badge.

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The Cygnet was less a swan and more of a turkey. Aston expected to sell around 4000 a year, but ended up shifting less than 150 before culling it after two years. Now, had it installed the 4.7-litre V8 from the beginning, as it did with the one-off version from 2018, then perhaps it would have justified the badge.

Model names are equally problematic. Someone at Ford had the bright idea of renaming its mid-size SUV from Escape to Kuga, at a stroke eliminating any possibility of sales to a female audience. Y’know, mums, with families, the sort of people who might be in the market for a mid-size SUV.

The McLaren GT has faced similar issues. I’ve not driven it myself, but by all accounts it’s an extremely talented sports car, albeit one that doesn’t have the long-legged refinement, carrying capacity, range and comfort the name suggests.

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As it happens, the C43 née C450 was potent enough to pull it off, though the corresponding E-Class models quickly became powered-up ’53s’.

As a first-hand example of how names set expectations, I present the Mercedes-AMG C43. I first drove it in early 2015 in Portugal, about a year ahead of its Australian release. At that point it was called the Mercedes-Benz C450 and I liked it very much. It was fast, refined, comfortable but with a dash of handling talent thanks to the involvement of the folks from AMG. In short, it was a very appealing package, particularly in Estate form.

Sometime during the next 12 months there was a change of heart and approach and the C450 became the C43 AMG. There were a couple of tweaks – the inclusion of a nine-speed gearbox and slight rearward adjustment to the torque split – but fundamentally the car was the same.

Expectations, though, weren’t – the application of proper AMG status brought with it a suggestion of improved performance and dynamics. As it happens, the C43 née C450 was potent enough to pull it off, though the corresponding E-Class models quickly became powered-up ’53s’.

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More recently we have the 911 GT3 with Touring Package. It was a huge hit when introduced in the 991.2 generation with those who wished to have the hardcore GT running gear but in a slightly more subtle package.

Its success led Porsche to repeat the option for the 992-generation with the availability of a dual-clutch gearbox, which potentially makes more sense for a ‘Touring’ specification.

Mechanically the two GT3 models are identical despite one being aimed at track use and the other intended for the road. The only Touring differences are the use of leather for the interior instead of the Alcantara-like Race-Tex.

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Porsche has precedent here, for the original 911 2.7 RS Touring package consisted only of equipment rather than mechanical changes, but by all accounts the 992 is more focused than ever.

Would some revised spring rates or subtly softer dampers be too much to ask? I suspect this is why it’s now referred to specifically as the ‘911 GT3 with Touring Package’ rather than the ‘911 GT3 Touring’, as the latter implies a level of comfort the car isn’t intended to provide. It’s almost like Porsche knows that names matter.

Most importantly, I got through this entire column about misappropriated names without laying into the Toyota Camry Sportivo. Oh sh...