2024 Volkswagen Touareg R review

I haven’t even put it in Sport mode yet and my palms are sweating as I attempt to pivot this 2433kg luxury SUV through corners at a pace that seems, frankly, unrealistic.

A sequence of esses with a s-s-s-heer drop on one side urges me to remain calm, but I cannot fight the fact that the new Volkswagen Touareg R is seriously egging me on. ‘

But why are my hands so hot?

Oh. I’ve bumped the steering wheel heating button again. It’s one of those haptic controls that VW has since moved to dump – but it’s still on this car.

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I switch it off and hang on for more as I punch the Drive Mode button - Sport - and engage the 3.0-litre turbo-petrol V6 and 100kW/400Nm electric motor to help make this drive even more memorable.

Suddenly my surroundings are blurrier, my right foot requires more thoughtful pressure on the throttle, and the eight-speed auto keenly hangs on to gears as the powertrain switches from Madonna to Marilyn Manson. All hell has broken loose.

The drive almost turns forgettable when I approach a sharp bend with a touch too much pace. “Shiiiit!” I exclaim, as I push hard on the brake pedal, which suffers from airiness at the top of the action due to its regenerative braking system. It made it feel like maybe I wouldn’t actually get this thing pulled up in time.

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But I do, car and underpants intact, and power out of the bend with what feels like supernatural, physics-denying acceleration for an SUV that would be as at home in Neutral Bay as it would the Nürburgring.

It isn’t loud - there’s barely any audible drama to it at all, in fact - and for a traditional R buyer that might mean it won’t pass muster.

But it’s almost silent because it’s a Jack of All Trades kind of SUV, with a sedate manner in many situations, but a balls-out-blaster if you really want that kind of action, too.

Its balance is insanely good, with a controlled tractability as I dart between corners, wondering if this brilliant stretch of road will ever end.

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The 4Motion on-demand all-wheel-drive system sends the power down to the tarmac, with 22-inch rims lacquered with Bridgestone Turanza T005 rubber in 285/35 spec doing their best to keep the performance of this car - which feels like a big heavy hot-hatch in some ways - under wraps.

A few minutes later, the curling mess of corners starts to unwind, and a lower altitude, less stressful section of straightaways beckons me to explore the potential of the Touareg R’s powertrain… but the digital speed sign display system reminds me that might not be the best idea.

The depth of capability of this VW SUV highlights the endowment of its MLB Evo underpinnings – it shares a platform with the Audi Q7 and Q8, Bentley Bentayga, Lamborghini Urus and Porsche Cayenne.

The mountain drive chosen by a former Wheels staffer is exactly what you’d hope for on a Porsche drive day – a point driven home as I pass a 911 GT3 RS after the descent.

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Rewind 24 hours, and I’m monitoring the digital instruments and ready to get my hypermiler geek on.

Battery fully charged, 53km of EV range indicated, and it’s time to select E-Mode to see how much this 17.9kWh (gross) lithium-ion battery pack is capable of.

A jaunt from Essendon Fields into South Melbourne on the Tulla should sort out what’s realistic and what isn’t, and while we all know EVs aren’t designed for highway driving, it’s the sort of commute that a buyer might actually do.

It lopes along the motorway in Comfort mode, the air suspension doing a brilliant job of cosseting me over road joins and the occasional scrappy surface change. Once down on street level that suspension really shines, with speed humps ironed out expertly, and the city-friendly steering tune making urban moves easy work – even when the screen freezes and my Google Maps gets stuck like a screen grab. Not ideal.

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Even so, after a quick coffee stop, I get back in and wind through some back streets (no more smartphone mirroring issues), eagerly monitoring the EV range indicator and aiming not to press too hard on the throttle, so as to overrule the electric drive and engage the petrol engine. If you do, it will re-engage Hybrid mode.

I glance between the 15.0-inch touchscreen and the 12.0-inch driver info screen to see if I’m going to make it to the destination with range remaining or not, mildly annoyed that there isn’t a simpler way to adjust the temperature settings - there’s a touch-bar at the bottom of the screen, and I fear I’m using more energy than I should because, well, it’s Melbourne in May, and the temp is set to 23 (and yes, of course my bum heater is on).

Just 1.4 kilometres shy of our destination, and with 43km of EV driving completed at a displayed rate of 31.2kWh per 100km, and with an average speed of 29km/h, the battery is depleted.

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I run the final bit using hybrid mode, which still dips back into the battery pack if the regen brakes help replenish it, and the petrol engine also acts like a generator if you want to top up the battery.

The big thing with PHEVs like this is that while the sticker might have a dramatically low official combined cycle number - 3.3L/100km in this instance - chances are that you’re never going to achieve it beyond the first hundred kays, as the petrol engine simply has to work harder once the battery is depleted.

And while I’m sure the diligent buyer would consider their commute distance, whether they can charge at work as well as at home (it has AC charging, maximum 7.2kW rate, and comes with a Mode 2 and Mode 3 cable included), if you don’t plug in and you do plan to drive it like an R model, you will see some pretty high figures.

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After a huge 404km drive (including the first 43km in EV), the trip computer on this R PHEV was showing an average consumption of 11.3L/100km.

So, charge it up during the week, and charge for the hills for the weekend?

It’s also really practical, you see, even if it is ‘just’ a five-seater.

There are other SUVs in this space with seven seats, and as a dad, I get the appeal there. But ‘only’ having five seats is a great way of getting out of the Saturday Soccer Shuttle Service, at least if you play your cards right.

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There’s a sizable boot - 810 litres with the seats up - meaning those weekend trips away could indeed turn into fortnight-long journeys for couples without kids. Those with anklebiters might only want a couple of nights away from the comfort zone, anyway.

With lovely leather trim for the heated, cooled and massaging front seats, as well as ambient lighting, those aforementioned screens, and a thumping 14-speaker Dynaudio stereo, it’s a delightful space to spend time if you’re a front-seat rider.

And back-seat bandits will appreciate the face- and knee-height directional air-vents, dual-zone rear climate control, and those outboard seats have heating, too. You can also slide the seats forward if you need more boot room, or back for more lounge-factor.

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What else could you consider if you’re thinking about this SUV, then?

Well, at this price, no other high-rider has the plug-in hybrid, performance-focused thing as convincingly nailed.

More than double the budget and you could find your way into a Porsche Cayenne Turbo E-Hybrid, or you could settle for a more mindful ‘non-Turbo’ version at just under $155K. Not as well equipped, and not as powerful as this.

Or if you really are being told that you ‘need seven seats’ by someone in your life, then you could investigate the Volvo XC90 Recharge Ultimate Plug-In, at $128,990.

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But while it might be the Ultimate seven-seater for those who need a big barge, the Ultimate in driving dynamics it certainly isn’t.

Honestly, if it were my tight-arse budget whispering in my ear, then a more affordable Touareg could be the most convincing option.

The $109,990 R-Line model with air suspension, stunning looking 21s, a thumping V6 diesel with 190kW/600Nm, and a brilliantly understated design could indeed make the most sense as an alternative.

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But those who understand the benefits of a PHEV life are unlikely to entertain the notion that a diesel V6 - no matter how good it is - is going to suit their lifestyle. And for the commuter worried about clogging up their DPF because they never do distance, that’s actually a sensible thought.

That’s the thing with the Touareg R, you see - it has plug-in hybrid tech that allows it to be an EV when you want it to be, a hybrid for the rest of the time, and a monster on a mountain pass.

It’s a seriously hot luxury SUV. I bet your palms will be sweaty, too.